There are about twelve subjects on my mind today. All of them are related to Autism and how it is impacting my life. There are a lot of large, looming questions I need to answer that are just floating around my head on a loop. But, I don’t have any answers for those yet. So, for now, I will have to satisfy my need to share with you by discussing something both mundane and critically important: earplugs.
Today was expected to be a crazy day at work, so it was the first day I brought my new earplugs with me. I recently bought those popular Vibes earplugs that allow you to hear everything, but just at a less intense volume. I’ve been messing with them for a few days now and finally found a good fit. (Apparently, my right ear is a size medium and my left ear is a size small. Who would have guessed one person’s ears could be such different sizes? No wonder I have a hard time finding comfortable headphones.)
One of the things I struggle with at work is the noise around me. I run a smoothie and ice cream shop. Right off the bat, you’re probably going “Oh, the blenders! Yeah, I’d need earplugs too.” Yes, they definitely helped with the blenders. But—that’s not why I brought them. The hardest thing for me to do at work is have a conversation, especially when there is as much going on as there is right now. I will be having an important conversation with my coworker about the new menu items, while the owner is having a conversation with a loyal group of customers, while another customer is having a conversation via FaceTime with someone else, and two other coworkers are discussing our supply of fresh fruit. My brain will not filter any of that, so I am forced to try to understand what five or six other people are all saying at the same time, isolate from all of those words what the person in front of me is saying, and then select the correct response on the drop down menu selection from the “acceptable dialog” program running in my brain at all times.
(Another fun fact I’ll share because I haven’t seen anyone else say it—I don’t always respond to the correct conversation. It can get especially awkward because the person I’m actually talking to won’t have any idea what is going on in the other conversations in the room, so my random response comes totally out of nowhere.)
Today, I put the earplugs in whenever too many conversations were happening at once. I could still hear all of them, but what the earplugs did was they lowered the volume on the conversations happening further away, and my brain was able to separate what was happening directly in front of me with a little less effort. It still required an extreme amount of focus, but it became possible. I think that is the most exciting part about finally having a diagnosis—more things are going to become possible.
In learning that I have ASD, I am finally learning how my brain works. I have words for the things I struggle with and, for the first time, I also have potential solutions that make sense. I’ve been looking for solutions my entire life, but it’s as if I’ve been reading the wrong manual. Though there are perks to having all of your senses on overdrive, it would be nice to be able to turn the volume down every once in a while. And that’s what I did for the first time in public today. I’ve got the right manual now—I don’t have to wish I could “reset to factory settings” anymore. My version is different than everyone else’s, and that is actually a pretty cool thing. (Are you still following this metaphor?) In short: the earplugs were a success.